Why the pregnant pause?

6 Oct

Pun intended.

I am having second thoughts. And to be honest, it was expected that as I moved further down the road of this journey I would falter at certain points. I also recognise that when I hit these blockages, it is important to take the time to pause and really look at the what and why of the matter.

The what:

I took the contraceptive pill at the doctors request without asking enough questions. It made me feel terrible. I stopped taking it and started menstruating. This means I have added another couple of months to the journey. I have to wait to see if my cycle will be a full 28 days, as it was before, and then wait again to make sure that this repeats itself. When I realised that I had added this extra time  – I didn’t feel disappointed, I felt relieved. Hello! Yes, I need some time and space.

It was all starting to feel like a chore. Combined with a professional career, exercise to be done, friends to catch up with and just day to day tasks – the act of choosing donor sperm, chasing sperm banks up to get responses to questions, getting all the information from the clinic, the doctors blah blah blah. I am pretty sure that some of this adventure is meant to be fun and exciting.

The why:

I’m not entirely sure but I’m taking the time to find out. To think about the relief I felt and what this means; research and ask questions at a pace that will allow me to take it all in and inject some fun into the adventure.

This is after all the most important decision I may ever make.

I am still having my IVF orientation next week. Still on the journey however, as the cliche goes – I want to take time to smell the roses. But most importantly these things shouldn’t be rushed no matter how many doctors will tell you otherwise.  I simply must trust that it will all work out exactly how it is meant to and an extra couple of months wont make too much difference.

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