Time

19 Oct

I called the Sperm Donor Coordinator in Sydney and it appears that the revelation of Sydney now being able to access an international sperm bank was a little over exaggerated.   This clinic in Sydney can access 8 donors from a particular sperm bank who are ID (Identification Open Donor). And I am told at this point that she is happy to send me a list of the donors but they may already be taken by tomorrow. However, when I asked he to email me the list she said she would prefer to post it – whatever! I can’t be bothered arguing with her and will take my chances.

I then call the clinic in Canberra to iron out a few processes so I am sure what order to do what and who is responsible for communicating with doctors, sperm banks. We are at a vital stage where there’s not a lot to do until I get the sperm. Oh, I also have to call my doctor in Canberra and get a clearer understanding of what IVF treatment he wants to put me on now that I decided to stop taking the pill. My day, like all working days, got away from me and by the time I looked up the doctor had gone home for day.

Like all businesses (so lets not forget that fertility clinics are businesses too), they will close over the festive season. This means that if I don’t have sperm and don’t start menstruating before 5/11 I wont be able to go again until my next cycle after 12/12 – which suits me fine anyway. Still, I am thankful for the time and still, I am exploring why I hold onto to time with such comfort.

I am somewhat troubled at how I struggle to find the time to get through my working week and juggle these appointments, research and the like. How will I cope alone with a child?

I know that you just find the energy and time to do it. And a major priority shift occurs. And heaps of women do it. But still… This brings me back to facing that doing this alone without a partner was not my choice. I am a ‘single mother by choice’ because I choose to be a mother not because I actually do choose to do it alone.

DAMN YOU TIME! I hate you, but I cling to you nonetheless. Curious!

Time. How many women around my age (39) are out there currently driven by panic to breed? There are plenty, I bet. As more and more stories are told post feminist era about regretful women who missed the boat to have children, I suspect that our friend ‘time’ had a little something to do with that. The seduction of more time and the fear of losing the time we have come so accustomed to.

‘Time’, you and me are going to go a few rounds this week and work out our differences! Once and for all.

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