Archive | February, 2011


28 Feb

I am taking a little longer than most to develop my follicles (otherwise and affectionately known as ‘follies’). This seems about right. It took me 37 years to really accept a few home truths about my family, 38 years to truly embrace the concept of taking responsibility for own life and 39 years to understand that it’s not my job to make anyone else happy. You could call me a late bloomer. So, it seems fitting that I am taking my good long time to grow these follies. However, should the pattern of my life transcend into this situation it could be good news. When I finally get something or do something – I excel and cover it really damn well.

Quick lesson:

Ovarian follicles are the basic units of female reproductive biology, which are found in the ovary. They are the little ovarian cysts that contain a single egg surrounded by fluid. On a normal menstrual cycle, a single follicle produces more fluid to trigger the maturation of its containing egg. During the ovarian stimulation stage, the growth of several follicles from both ovaries is triggered by fertility medications. The follicular growth will be monitored throughout ultrasound to give the doctor an idea of when the egg retrieval will take place.

Vaginal ultrasound is the best way to accurately assess and count the follicles. They need to be at last 18 mm before they can be retrieved.

Having 11 to 30 follies is good. It’s basically a law of numbers game so the more the merrier. However, it is not unheard of to have success with only a few.

I have two which are rocking along steadily and a third which needs to catch up a little. Come on follies you can do it! Grow nice and strong now, we are counting on you. It’s about quality, not quantity in this case. Which I should add is another classical personality trait of mine – I  prefer quality to quantity, always have.

I had a bit of a false alarm today. I went for my second scan and blood test today (the first one showed three follies but they were smaller than expected – around 7 mm). I was disappointed and little scared to find that the monster nurse (see my ‘orientation’ post) was going to do the internal ultrasound. As it turns out she was in a great mood. She was actually jovial and friendly so I relaxed and thought ‘what the hell, everyone deserves a second chance right?’. She was being so nice that I think she got a little carried away and exaggerated what she was seeing. Oh dear!

Reformed Nurse Monster says “oooo look at those lovely two follicles which are 18 mm. And the endometrium is lovely and thick too. Good things are happening here. You are ready to be triggered.” To which I exclaim, “How exciting, YAY!”. So I was taken into another room where another nurse talked me through giving myself the trigger shot and I was told to prepare to go Canberra on Wednesday.

Wrong wrong wrong! When I spoke to the nurse in Canberra she assured me that I had two follies which were 15 mm and one which is 12 mm. So in essence this is actually better because I could end up with three! YAY for three! And three is actually my favourite number. So I reckon I will end up with three big fat ones.

But how did the nurse here in Sydney get it so wrong? Well, maybe it is easy to measure incorrectly and that is fine. What is not fine is advising people on this very emotional journey before you can be certain. I spent from 8:30 am to 2:30 pm being really excited about how well my follies had come along. And although it is actually better that I get three opposed to two follicles, this situation highlights again the unprofessional manner of this dreadful nurse. You get them in all types of jobs I guess so I hold nothing against the practice and I can’t be bothered dwelling on it. I am looking forward not backwards.

I need to go for another ultrasound and blood test on Wednesday and I am told I will most likely go in for retrieval on Friday. Not long now eeeeeeek! Finger, toes, legs, everything crossed for a positive outcome.

I ask a favour of you, who is reading this right now. Please close your eyes for just a moment and imagine reading a future post of mine declaring I am pregnant. Wish me luck. X


It’s all about me

19 Feb

I realise now that this past week I have been working pretty damn hard for the happiness and prosperity of others. My mother is staying with me for a while so I need to make sure she is okay. I met someone I was interested in so I wanted to make sure that I reciprocated communication there. And I have been up at the crack of dawn to get through all the work needed to be done at my place of employment. This is fine and I don’t mind doing this BUT this is all whilst I am doing IVF!

What I have missed in all of this is: Who is looking after me? This is NOT a loaded statement. I don’t expect anyone to look after me because I am fully aware that this is my job and my job alone. I just haven’t been doing it very well.

All of this stress and separateness from myself manifested in a breaking point. I had worked myself up so much that when I was giving myself my second injection – I fainted. Yes, that’s right, I fainted “while” I was giving myself the injection. Fortunately, I managed to finish the job but only just. When I passed out I slid off the chair banging and grazing my shoulder. And I have no-one else to blame but myself here.

Many people think about their lives as something that just happens to them instead of something that they can create for themselves. I believe it is important to take responsibility for what we are attracting into our lives and how we react to it. It would have been very reasonable if I made the decision last week to nurture myself  and well, just put myself first. It’s not everyday one does IVF after all.

It’s a fairly common belief that a person can make another person feel bad or create an undesirable outcome for them. “She made me angry”, “My boss works me so hard and therefore I am exhausted when I get home”, “He is so demanding that I have no time for myself”. I don’t buy it. I am responsible for what I allow to happen to me. I can remove myself from a stressful situation. I can create time to nurture and replenish. I can set boundaries with my boss.

Of course most people understand this idea, at least intellectually or as it applies to other people. It’s applying the same principle to our own lives that causes the problems because it is hard and it takes work. Continuous work. As demonstrated last week – I have slipped up. BUT I have recognised it and now I can get back on track.

I am once again claiming my feelings and actions as my own. I take back the reins of ownership, responsibility and the consequential control that comes from that. Phew! This week I am going to be really good to myself. Actually, this week, I am going to give myself more attention than anyone else on this planet. Starting right now 🙂

Something for me to contemplate every day of the week:

1. Believe in myself

2. Find time to eat healthy and exercise

3. Practice silence

4. Express myself

5. Forgive myself

6. Stop comparing myself to others

7. Love myself

Change Your Mind, Change Your Life

10 Feb

I have come to believe that our attitude can make it or break it. My bad attitude at certain points in my life has broken potentially good situations and vice versa. Taking responsibility for the role we play in attracting certain people and situations in our life I believe is crucial in personal and spiritual development. In doing this we accept that we create our own life. This means we can start create the life we want right now. I know this can all sound really corny but actually it makes perfect sense to me.

The difficulty though is breaking down long term negative beliefs we have about ourselves, our lives, what we deserve and what we are capable of. This internal programming can be tricky to shift because it often has roots deep inside of us. I used to feel really overwhelmed with this notion and I realise now this was because I was driven by the desire for instant gratification and long held beliefs take time to shift. But you have to start sometime and what better time than now.

I’ve decided to re-visit Abraham-Hicks’ teachings on the Law of Attraction and Art of Allowing – and it feels good which, is exactly the point. What makes sense to me the most about their teachings is the philos0phy of ‘feeling’ your way to attracting what you want. I.E. If you are feeling bad, stop and observe the thought you are having at that moment. When you change the thought to one that creates a better feeling for you, then you are on the right path to allowing your desires to manifest into your life. That is put really simply and lacks the information about energy and vibration that is important is understand this whole concept. If you are interested check it out

Put much better by Abraham  – “Many people focus upon unwanted things, with no deliberate attention to the emotional Guidance within them, and then they try to compensate for their lackful thinking with physical action. And because of the misalignment of Energy, they do not get results from their action, so then they try harder by offering more action, but still things do not improve. Like the air you breathe, abundance in all things is available to you. Your life will simply be as good as you allow it to be.”

The day before I started taking the Synarel nasal spray, at the start of my IVF journey, I made a decision to change my mind about a lot of things and create a space in me to allow what I want most. A lot of people get terrible side effects from the Synarel but I have felt terrific all the way through – still do.

Now when I become aware that I am feeling stressed or bad, I stop and work at releasing the negative thoughts I am having and replace them with thoughts that make me feel better. And it’s getting easier the more I do it.

If you are finding this all a little hard to swallow, think of it this way – What’s the alternative? Allowing yourself to feel bad and have negative thoughts? 🙂

Day 1 – Synarel Nasal Spray

3 Feb

A lot of people are going to cringe when I say this but if I had known I could make the choice of injecting the synarel instead of using the nasal spray before I ordered it – I would have chosen the injections. I hate spraying stuff up my nose. I have been a right sook with it today, having to count myself in to actually do it. It just grosses me out. (I’m video journaling this and I am sure it will be really amusing to watch back – yes, I plan to share) Besides that, I also find it confusing to whether I have done it right. Anyway, no point moaning about it as I have quite a few days of this, 2 x per day, ahead of me.

Synarel is a hormone contained in a nasal spray, which suppresses the release of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Luteinizing Hormone (LH) from the pituitary gland. This prevents spontaneousovulation (ie release of the ripe eggs from the ovary) before ovum pick-up (OPU).

Synarel is absorbed through the mucous membranes in the nose and the most common dose is one spray twice daily. It is recommended to use one nostril in the morning and the other in the evening. This should be taken 12 hours apart.

In true Tash fashion I had to race home to take my second dose at 7pm.

The most frequently reported adverse reactions are those related to hypo-oestrogenism; hot flushes, changes in libido, vaginal dryness, headaches, emotional lability, acne, myalgia, decreased breast size, and irritation of the nasal mucosa.

I really hope my breasts don’t get smaller as there really isn’t that much there anyway 🙂 Unfortunately I’m not having sex right now so no problem with that stuff. It’s unlikely I will get acne as I never have before and the rest I can live with for a short while.

I’m leaving for a yoga weekend tomorrow after work which is perfect timing. Should I experience any side effects the yoga practice and positivity from a fine group of people will ease the load.

Despite hating using the nasal spray I am in a really jovial mood and feel positive about all this. A great start on day 1 of the treatment.