Festive Season Survival

25 Dec

Christmas is tough for people experiencing fertility challenges. It’s all about the kids, right! Everywhere you look there are families enjoying the glorious wonders of Christmas. A harsh reminder that this is something you don’t have.

Even the lead up is a torturous time; you can’t turn the television on without being bombarded with adverts involving gorgeous children with their equally gorgeous mothers having the time of their lives!

In fact, these messages happen all throughout the year but it just seems more poignant at this time of the year. Why? Because this time of the year is all about family and any woman who desires a family has fantasized about this festive season with a child.

I find myself daydreaming about the bigger, more elaborate Christmas tree I would have. Oh and the presents I would buy and the food I would make and the smiles we would share. What fun we would have!

When the daydream stops and reality sets in, so does the absence of the child you so desperately want.

This is a call out to all women struggling over this time: Please know that it is okay to experience these emotions. Acknowledge them, feel them and move on so you can creatively visualise the family yet to come. Getting stuck on focusing on the absence will not help you create.

What helps me to not get stuck in focusing on the absence is:

  1. Practicing mindfulness. It’s difficult to remain in a negative thought pattern when practicing to be present in the moment. I use a great app called Headspace which has emergency guided meditations when the mind is really in a spin.
  2. Spend time alone in nature. This is very important for women as we are very intuitive and nature helps us connect with our inner knowledge.
  3. Don’t feel obliged to attend all festive events. If it’s getting too much for you, say no. Your emotional well being is more important than pleasing others.
  4. Try to stay away from social media during this time. No explanation required.
  5. Focus on what’s good in your life. I keep a vision board which I use to focus on what is good right now, as well as what I want in the future. Some people keep a gratitude journal.

For those of us actually undergoing fertility treatment over this period – it is so important to remain as positive as possible. Put yourself first and let your emotions guide you in how you should spend your time. If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it!


Sending you much love and positivity over this time. May the new year bring you everything you desire.


6 Responses to “Festive Season Survival”

  1. Carol Duncan December 26, 2015 at 3:01 am #

    Hi Tash I love your honesty and your positivity. These family festive times can so easily remind us what we don’t have or no longer have. Hope that 2016 will bring your dreams to fruition. Love from Carol

  2. Amanda Seefeld December 26, 2015 at 11:24 pm #

    Great blog Tash. I study the negative effects of parenthood on women, these are mother’s who thought parenthood was going to be a breeze, or as one author puts it ‘an easy mix lifestyle’. I want your audience to know it’s not an easy mix lifestyle and advertising and social media highly over romantise it especially around the Christmas period. Keep believing in your dream and don’t buy into the hype! X

    • motherinwaiting December 27, 2015 at 1:53 am #

      Thanks Amanda for your comment. I appreciate your thoughts on the unrealistic advertising we all have to endure. I do believe though that many women undergoing fertility treatment are very aware of the pros and cons of motherhood because they have been forced into a situation where they have had to think long and hard about it – often paying a lot of money to do so. These decisions rarely are taken lightly.
      I think that most of my readers would love a chance to experience the negative effects of parenthood; I know I would! xx

  3. The EcoFeminist December 27, 2015 at 4:22 am #

    Thank you for a blog filled with hope and positivity and – happily – no mention of the terms ‘baby dust’, ’embabies’, ‘sticky vibes’, or talking about how “God” is the decider when it’s a biological matter. I especially appreciate the going into nature part, as it’s done a lot for me, to value my surroundings and here in Oregon, the trees especially that are strong and tall.

    Our holiday was a bit low key this year but we definitely still celebrated – my husband and I have a great marriage and just because our kiddo hasn’t joined us yet doesn’t mean we’re not going to have fun. In fact, I think it’s VITAL that all of us going through this embrace our partners and that relationship even more. The season might be portrayed in the media as all about kids but I wholly disagree. The holidays (IMHO) should be about love first and foremost – giving and receiving and being grateful for what we DO have rather than focusing on what we don’t have. My husband and I are looking at this time in between IVF as a way to continue focusing on US – quiet time together, chasing after other great dreams like taking classes, exploring more of the natural world around us, etc. It’s much better than sitting around feeling bad, I’ve learned 🙂

    • The EcoFeminist December 27, 2015 at 4:29 am #

      (and for those who don’t have partners going at this, those friendships are our “partners” that I’m referring to as well)

    • motherinwaiting December 27, 2015 at 8:59 am #

      Thank you for your gorgeous comment. I’m a huge tree lover too. I am lucky enough to live in the mountains outside of Sydney where the trees are also strong and tall 🙂

      Love and appreciation is a powerful and defining force, isn’t it!

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