Failed Cycle

30 Jan

I’ve been lying low feeling pretty crappy.

So the first test found HcG the pregnancy hormone so I had conceived – YAY! But my progesterone was very low – Not YAY! Progesterone is critical for maintaining a pregnancy.

I was away camping, fortunately still in phone range, so a 2 hour trek was made to another town to get hold of some. It has to be done. For what it was worth though it didn’t help. The next test showed that my HcG was dropping and clearly the pregnancy would not sustain.

I am very sad right now! My husband is ghastly at supporting me through tough times so he has taken off to his friends and I haven’t heard from him for the last couple of days. Not sure how to get past that!

I am normally very careful about what I post on this blog and try to keep the crappy personal stuff out of it. But if I’m to be honest…

I know I am strong and I will get through this but for now, I allow myself to feel and ease up on the internal pep talks.

And in saying that, I really don’t want pep talks from anyone else either. I know that people mean well, but unless you have or are struggling with infertility yourself, you can’t possibly imagine how I feel. I am 44 and I’m running out time and money.

Adoption laws in Australia make it extremely difficult to adopt especially considering my age. In fact most agencies who handle inter-country here have told me my chances are very slim and the wait is around 7 years. I’m considering permanent placement foster care but without the support from my husband I’m not sure this is viable option.

I give myself permission to decide nothing for a while.

2 Responses to “Failed Cycle”

  1. The EcoFeminist January 30, 2016 at 4:02 am #

    fuck a duck that sucks. if i were there i’d bring you wine. i’m always blown away by australia (my husband’s home country) in that there are some things that are so progressive compared to the US and some things that are so behind). the age thing here is pretty messed up as well for international adoption – ethiopia is one of the few countries that is much more lax on the parent’s age (i believe romania and bulgaria are two others). but right now that is neither here nor there. amen to giving yourself permission to feel and to do – or not do – whatever the hell you want. (today for me that meant eating two frozen chocolate covered bananas)

    • motherinwaiting February 3, 2016 at 5:41 am #

      Frozen chocolate covered bananas sound amazing! Chocolate = good. Banana = good. And frozen like a popsicle! WOW! I’ve never had the pleasure.
      Thanks for your kind words x

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