How to Get Up Again

3 Feb

Resilience.jpg

I’ve been contemplating resilience.

resilience_def

A word often used to describe me. As if this is a special personality trait that I have which is admired by others. I’ve heard this word a lot over the past few days.

The truth is: that whilst I rise rather quickly from a fall, it is actually the shell of me going about business while my soul is slowly putting the pieces together. Does this make me a damn good actor or does the body have to get up before the heart and soul is ready to repair and come to the party? Well whatever the answer, it works for me. I don’t know if it is resilience or actually just survival though.

This is what I do to get back up again and prepare for the challenge in front of me:

1. Clean up. I feel more motivated and worthy in a clean space. I find if I let my house turn to shit, it creates an inner dialogue of how crap I am and how crap the situation is. Crap creates crap, if you know what I mean. When I get rid of the external crap I find it easier to control the inner crap.

2. Write a list. It’s comforting for me to have things to do. Mapping it out gives me purpose to get up. And crossing things off the list creates a sense of achievement. Positive!

3. Make an effort with my appearance. I can be a total feral at times and not brush my hair for days and wear my pajamas like a uniform. This is a favourite past time of mine however, when feeling low this past time turns from free spirit to down and out. When times are tough, if I can look in the mirror and not cringe, that’s a very good thing. I actually got four cold sores on my forehead, so you can imagine how beautiful my hair was to counteract this hideousness!

4. Walk. Walking is a great way to practice mindfulness when meditation seems to hard. I’m lucky that I live in an area with lots of bush walks but any walk is good for the soul.

5. Eat some healthy food. Once I’ve inhaled the toxic Doritos, ice cream and toasted cheese mountains – Forcing myself to make something healthy sends a message to myself that I am worth the effort and that my body deserves better.

6. Accept invitations (conditional). I would prefer to talk to no-one when I have taken a fall but after a few days it is important to get back to friends, even when I dont feel like it. Willingly creating isolation is a fast track from bad to worse. This is however conditional in the early stages. I hate pep talks, especially from friends/family who have children and think they understand what I’m going through. If you have children then you do not understand. Sorry, that may seem harsh but the real pain for me is the prospect of not having a child. I dont begruge my beautiful friends/family who have children, they just can’t possibly understand how I feel, that’s all. Friends mean well but I’m in survival mode at the moment and can’t deal with the pep talk. Just send me your love and if I want your advice, I will ask you.

 

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2 Responses to “How to Get Up Again”

  1. The EcoFeminist February 3, 2016 at 5:33 pm #

    “Crap creates crap” – I’m going to quote that, as I was trying to teach my husband about why I don’t want a bunch of knick-knacks for my birthday, and would rather just have some kind of experience-type gift. I like an empty kitchen counter and stuff just creeps in there like it’s a storage space, and I always feel so better when it’s immaculate. Oh and I get you on lists – I have a four subject/pocket notebook where I actually categorize my lists from basic to-do’s to what I want to do in the garden to financial planning and more. “Feral” for me is when I’m in a place assessing my need for a shower by when my hair gets oily, LOL. My husband and I were talking must last night about how we’ve been isolating ourselves throughout this past year of failed infertility treatments and have made resolutions to get a bit more social – he going out for a beer with a coworker occasionally, me reaching out to those friends who have shown unconditional support. They all have kids, but there have been a couple special ones who have had unique enough circumstances where they have exceptional empathy (and don’t do any pep talk, just hug me and let me talk about other things, gossip about celebrities and other funny distracting things). I always get close to canceling but when I go through with it, I end up feeling better. Today is the day of our transfer and my hubby and I have plans to do a 5 minute meditation before we head over to the clinic – it’s been a lifesaver plus brings us together 🙂

    • motherinwaiting February 4, 2016 at 6:12 am #

      I do hope that today is a day that you look back on with beautiful memories. X

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